“I Don’t Know Where That Came From!”: Confronting Our Hidden Selves

“I Don’t Know Where That Came From!”: Confronting Our Hidden Selves, By Ciann Masi

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an emotional outburst or a reaction so intense you thought, “I have no idea where that came from”? It’s a familiar feeling, like a storm that hits out of the blue—completely unexpected, yet oddly familiar. Truth is, those moments are less “out of the blue” and more “straight from within.” And, yes, they’re telling us more about ourselves than we might like to admit.

Most of us keep a running tally of traits we’re proud of: patience, kindness, resilience—the greatest hits. But somewhere along the way, we develop a parallel list of qualities we’d rather not claim as our own. This shadow side is the stuff we stuff down, the parts we ignore, hoping they’ll fade away if we just pretend they don’t exist. But like a catchy tune you can’t get out of your head, these parts of us are always lurking in the background, ready to pop up at the most inconvenient times.

The Shadow Side: It’s Not All Bad

First things first: the shadow side isn’t inherently evil or something to fear. It’s just the parts of us we’ve tucked away because, somewhere along the way, we learned they weren’t acceptable. Think of it as an old storage closet filled with things we’re reluctant to throw out but don’t want to face, either. Maybe it’s the quick temper you inherited, the impatience that comes out in traffic, or the envy you feel when someone else gets what you’ve been chasing. It’s messy and a bit inconvenient, but it’s as much a part of us as our best qualities.

Ironically, the traits we hide can often be the ones with the most to teach us. Our anger, for example, can highlight boundaries we didn’t know we had or were ignoring. Envy might point out what we deeply desire. Impatience? Well, maybe it’s just a reminder that we want things now, not later. These parts hold insights we can use if we’re willing to listen to them.

The Surprise Factor: Why These Reactions Seem to Come Out of Nowhere

Here’s a fun fact: these traits seem to ‘come out of nowhere’ because we’ve spent so much time pretending they aren’t there. When we sideline emotions or reactions we consider undesirable, we don’t actually eliminate them. Instead, we give them a secret life where they can grow, unexamined and unchecked. So, they hang out in the shadows, gathering strength until—BAM!—they appear when you’re least expecting it.

Consider it like this: ignoring a part of yourself is like having a persistent ringtone that you can’t silence. At first, you might think you can just turn the volume down, but eventually, it gets louder and louder until it disrupts everything around you. Sooner or later, you’ll have to answer that call—because it won’t stop until you do. So, instead of asking, “Where did that come from?” maybe the better question is, “What’s been waiting for my attention?”

How to Face What We’d Rather Ignore

Facing the side of ourselves we’ve tucked away doesn’t have to be a heavy, all-or-nothing ordeal. We can do it with a sense of curiosity—and maybe even a little humor. Try noticing the next time an unexpected reaction crops up. Instead of immediately shoving it down or chastising yourself, take a moment to ask, “Alright, what are you here to teach me?”

This doesn’t mean you have to love every part of your shadow self. Honestly, some of these traits will never make it onto our list of favorites. But recognizing and understanding them can change the way we react. Think of it as getting to know a co-worker you don’t necessarily love working with, but need to get along with to get things done. You’re not aiming for best friends, just a productive understanding.

Bringing It All Together

Those parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore aren’t monsters under the bed. They’re simply elements of who we are, shaped by our experiences, our reactions, and even our fears. By acknowledging them, we don’t just avoid those out-of-nowhere moments—we get closer to a fuller understanding of who we are. And, in doing so, we might just find a little humor in our own messiness.

So, the next time you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know where that came from,” remember that it came from somewhere you’ve probably been avoiding. Embrace it, learn from it, and—hopefully—laugh about it. Our time is worth so much more than spending it hiding from ourselves.

© 2024 Ciann Masi and OM&Soul Productions. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use or reproduction of this material is prohibited.